I agree with the posts above.

Are you saying that she self medicates with alcohol?

You might want to look into narcissistic personality disorder. Much of what you are saying reminds me of my mother, who both drank and had NPD. People with NPD can take offense and get very upset about things that appear minor to others--but any kind of perceived humiliation can be very painful to people with NPD, and therefore bring about responses that are inappropriate but might numb the pain.

You are doing Herculean work to protect your children and also try to help your wife. There may however be nothing that you can really do, especially if she continued to refuse to see a therapist or psychiatrist. You seeing a therapist, as suggested above, can help you maintain perspective and, if need be, decide how best to protect your children and yourself.