</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
a lot of us arent brought up to think that we deserve love. were put down by friends, parents, siblings - and over time we just dont think we deserve it. so we sabotage our relationships and we bring unhappiness where happiness used to be. thats why i truly believe that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. so you need to figure out why youre not allowing yourself to be loved by someone and to feel love back.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

That is really what's probably at the heart of all of it. After a lifetime of putting your heart in relationships that were emotionally damaging, it's hard to have new friends and loved ones that are supportive. It's hard to trust that, and it's hard not to blow everything up into a huge betrayal.

I keep fighting with myself... whether it's easier just to be numb to everyone, and never invest any caring in other people... or whether life without loved ones is too empty to be worth it.

It's hard to think about giving, and opening myself up and being loving. I feel like I don't have anything to give.

But you have some positive ideas. Sounds like maybe I just neeed to kick myself in the butt and try to open up my heart to other people.