I am so sorry, everything your feeling is perfectly normal, you made a huge investment, more than most, in trying to make things work.
It will 're-play over and over, the end of a relationship is no different to the grieving process. Let that happen, don't try and give yourself a time frame, or punish yourself for whatever your feeling.
It will gradually get better, In the meantime, be kind to yourself, invest in you and the things that make you feel good.
Take care.