Dang, I kinda experience the same thing, with the paranoia and whatnot, except for in different ways (I.e cameras are set up watching me, I was sent here for some special reason, nothing exsists, ECT) it sucks when one of them is stuck in a limbo of "it's real" but you know it's not. I know therapist and doctors can be scary, they scare me too but to get better they are kinda the only ones that can help? If money is an issue there is free stuff out there and Bank also offers help. I hope you the best and that you can get the help you need