I can understand your insecurities. But could this be cases of catastrophic, black & white thinking, and discounting the positives? These are classic thinking problems - especially for those of us already questioning out self worth. What is the advantage of thinking this way incidentally.

This does warrant however a sit down with your husband to discuss boundaries - including deal breakers.

Have you ever thought of reaching out to this woman yourself? Perhaps his and her's reaction to this would be a litmus test as to whether your concerns are in fact founded.