Honestly, I've disengaged from him emotionally already. I realize that this is creating more problems for me. I think the reason my step daughter succumbed to her father’s manipulation was because she cares deeply for me and her brothers. I had become very depressed in last spring and the house kind of got out of control. I had retreated into myself leaving my young children without a buffer. I've since got myself back on my feet and am reasserting my influence on the household. I am by no means perfect and have a lot baggage of my own. But my kids keep me going.

If it was just me, I’d have left before now. But it is not just about me. Here are some of the things I am struggling with:

1) Although he was divorced before I met him, I’ve seen the impact of his vindictiveness towards his 1st wife and the conflicts that created for their children who were in high school at the time. After their break up the kids lived with him. When I met him, my one step daughter totally hated her mother and would have nothing to do with her. It has only been recently that she has started to actually talk with her mother. Now she is realizing that there are two sides to every situation. If I leave now the ugliness that plagued her childhood will be shifted to my children and I will become the villain. They are only 8 and 10.

2) My husband is on disability, I provide for the family. The bottom line, if I left it would cost me more money; in our convoluted justice system I would likely owe him alimony.

3) My kids are really close with their sisters. I am very close with them as well. Leaving my husband would ultimately negatively impact these relationships. They would likely be torn between their feeling for me, their brothers, and their Dad.

I just don’t see any easy way out at this point. I just don’t want my kids to end up assuming my husband’s negative, everybody owes me personality. The dividing of our family at this point will likely only result in more conflict and negativity, more financial problems, and less love and support for my children.