Well i'm going to keep this message longer listen carefully,i don't just understand you i feel you,i would have not lost even a minute trying to reply i have no personal gain in this,i just don't want you to get hurt.

You have a kind hearted personality,your an Empath(so called Healer)that's really rare,i consider myself Empath too put others happiness before myne i love helping people caring for them etc,i'll share a lifetime story with you when i was 18 we head an accident with my Father we hit a Tree and he passed away in front of my eyes while i head to drive to the hospital with a piece of glass sticked in my arm,i was with a dead body in the car,after that the Funeral procedure started,so called people my Cousins would come and make me all the promises of the world telling me we will be there for anything you need etc.

I trusted them,what happened after a week they saw me in the road did not even bother talking to me,they were jealous of our wealth of our education,i cared about them but they could not stand me,i helped them i was there for them every time.

You have to learn to love and respect yourself put yourself first then the others,because if you follow that mentality you have right now your going to end up so hurt,they will use you and when you no longer have use to them they will throw you down like a can of coke,be smart about it.

Your so concentrated and blinded by this toxic love that you don't look at the world in 3 dimensions which is straight left and right,you just look straight 1 dimension you just see him and no one else,you convinced yourself that he is the guy and there is no other guy that will respect and love me the way i am that's on your heart,on the other hand your mind is telling you exactly what you should know and your gut instinct.

No matter what your mind is telling you your just going to ignore it,don't do that please,if he right now came back and just pmed you you would have jumped out from the couch and get happy and you would tell yourself **** my mind maybe there is hope,even after all the abuse all the things that he did that's really wrong,you have to respect yourself and you already know this relationship is a toxic one,imagine it this way can you change yourself right now??No....If you cant even change yourself you can't really help or change other people.

Your not an animal(even animals have rights)your a Kind hearted personality a trustworthy person,ask yourself what does he have more then you do?Does he have 4 arms and 4 legs!No...is he better then you are?No,i don't really care how he looks like you have to look at him as a person and think it on the long run.....Will this be healthy for me will i be able to maintain my Sanity(hell no your breaking down,imagine what would have happened if he would continue like this for another 1 year,your energy lvl would have got to 0,your self esteem is around 0,you would get tired and you would start seeking therapy yourself,don't allow him to do that to you,he already knows your there for him your going to Pin down even if he crushes you with his Sneakers you don't really mind as soon as he is with you,your human a trustworthy caring personality,keep your head up.

You might be not ready right now the only difference between me and you is that,even doe i was so hurt that i could barely walk,i can't really express the pain how i feelt,i still found the strength to fight for my life back from everything in life,and without the need of help from anyone,i'm a medicine student and one of the best in the school it's my last year,you have to be a Independent woman not a codependent(they will hurt you burn you to your last bone if you let them dictate your happiness).

Sometimes in life we fight for something so long that we really forget who we are,this is called Unrequited love a one way street,You just fight for something so hard that it just wont happen no matter how hard you try,you just feel like being catapulted into the whole universe and think every minute what could i have done different to change the fact.

You have to learn to fail 10 times get up 11 times,never forget this quote ever''It might be stormy right now,but it will never rain forever,eventually the sun will rise up''Don't limit yourself thinking he is the only guy that is a major Oneitis,there are people that you don't know that will love you and respect you the way you are,Trust in God(he didn't allow this relationship to go further because you would get hurt more)If it is going to happen it will happen but you don't want it to happen with the wrong person,this is next lvl Toxic thing you already know that.

If he head the chance he would crush you to the bone and never care,he does not care about you,he just uses you for his personal gainz your not a Supply your not his drug,neither an animal(even animals have rights)neither a bug to be crushed.

I promise you one thing that time he returns again:Just set a boundarie tell him how he hurt you and call him on his actions,if he does not snap out blame it all on you i swear to god i will never again bother writing messages in here,It's all about him controlling you,did he ever asked you how you feelt no lol,it's like me leaving home and not returning for like 3 months and then coming back to get some food cuz i'm hungry,that's not Humanity that's a supply use,another example why do we use exactly our phone??Do we really love our phone?hell no we use our phone because we need it to comunicate and post pictures of our selves on social medias to show how cool we look etc,but we never love our phone(we love it until it provides us something)it's the same exact thing the moment you won't give him use he will snap or leave you even more heartbroken''Then your going to think in yourself what did i do to deserve this how cruel can he be etc etc,what did i do wrong,you did not do anything wrong you just went on a relationship with the wrong person,experiences make us grow as a person make us tough without hardship there is no success in life.

Go outside distract yourself enjoy your time with friends do some sports,don't check your messages take your life back(no one can do that for you,you have to find the strength and the will to do that,you never know,it is going to happen again it will happen,in the time you never expect,don't lose faith and hope(that's what keeps people alive,and hope for something better not toxic)trust me if something better happens you will come in here and will start joking about it telling us how i suffered so much for someone that it was not worth it now i'm happy,always have some Faith on yourself please,there will be times later on where you will look and remember old memories where they will fade and will be replaced of new and good memories.

I would pref you if you listen to music to watch on youtube''Guns N Roses the making of Estranged''(It's a really long video,just watch the first 3 minutes AXL explains a lot about our situation,it's a song written by him on his most difficult times).

Don't let him ruin your dignity suck your soul and get you to a position that you won't even bother to get with anyone else in a relationship because of the scars he leaves.

Have some faith in yourself eventually the things will get better,no one will get hurt forever trust me,life is a test by God you will fail a bunch of times before you find the right person for you(it will happen sooner or later)

Once again don't get me wrong i'm not saying that the guy is a bad guy or anything,i'm just saying that his mental illness is dictating him,and people pay lots of money to go to Psychologist for that thing,sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't,i'm just convincing you with the sad truth, that your incapable of helping him no matter what, no normal person is capable of helping someone that he does not want to seek help no matter what,for ex an drug addict can you really help him seal him so he does not do drugs again(hell no)he must want it himself, it is going to leave you heartbroken with a lot of pain grief and sorrow,you deserve better trust me you deserve an individual who respects and loves you the way you are unconditionally like you love and respect him that's called Empathy that's called Love,being there for one and other,not wrecking yourself.

----Pay attention to this closely,every time you try to think of him read this songs lyrics It's a song by a rock band called Dead By April,it's called empathy describes both myne and your character traits and what we are going through copy and paste the lyrics never forget them--------

"Empathy"

Spit in my face
Humiliate my dignity
But I'm feeling great
To me this is normality

I try to think straight
Is this really my worth?
My heart gets in the way
And it keeps saying it doesn't hurt
Chaos!!!

Blaming myself
For the things that you call me
For the ways you act
And how sick is that?

I try to think straight
Of something else than rebirth
My heart gets in the way
And seriously it hurts!

What you're going through
It is real to you
But your mind plus your heart makes two

Look into my eyes
What do you see?
I'm someone who can show empathy
When your mind's clouded by your heart
It's not easy to see what's real n' what's not
I give you my empathy

Before you start judging
Try hard to see the person I am
I'm caring I'm humble and understanding
I ask for your empathy
To think of me as friendly
To escape this reality
I will need your empathy

What you're going through
It is real to you
But you mind plus your heart makes two

Look into my eyes
What do you see?
I'm someone who can show empathy
When your mind's clouded by your heart
It's not easy to see what's real n' what's not
I give you my empathy

My empathy
I give you my empathy!
Oh Oh Oh...

Look into my eyes
What do you see?
I'm someone who can show empathy
When your mind's clouded by your heart
It's not easy to see what's real n' what's not
I give you my empathy

My empathy
I give you my empathy!
Oh Oh Oh...