I might have ASD because I show some traits. I did some tests here and it says it's probable. I also think my father has ASD because he is not sociable as well, and has difficulty regulating his emotions, just like me.

It's not objective to say this, but I don't think I'm arrogant, and I didn't say I'm one. I said people view me so, and the reason is because I isolate and don't initiate. I isolate and don't initiate because I'm afraid to be rejected because I get anxious and nervous around people, and because that's all I can think of from my past experience.

You are right. I need to look what to offer to others, not only what to expect from others. Which is an issue I think. Why? Because I don't offer what people are looking for. I'm not funny, not interesting, don't have hobbies, don't do small talks, don't like to go out, don't like to travel, ... etc. I can do formal things, but getting personal is something completely different. But I also don't expect from others to change me. But I was implying that a relationship may motivate me when I feel I have responsibilities, when I have a purpose, artificial that is.

I was making a point that I don't want to go home for the sheer reason that I cannot manage life where I am now. I need to feel that I have the choice to go home. That it's not a surrender to life. Going home now means I failed.

I love my parents, but there are many factors in play also. I have to sacrifice something. I try my best to call them to feel connected. And honestly, I feel we get along together better on distance. I'm still debating my choices, though. But the main thing that keeps me debating the idea is that I don't want to go home, and then regret it for the rest of my life. I don't think my parents would be happy if I wasn't happy.