I know it is painful. I feel it too. I'm sorry you've reached such a low point but you don't have to leave. My friend committed suicide a couple weeks ago. He thought it wasn't worth living and it damaged everyone around him to lose him. Suicide seems like an option, but the only thing it does is eliminate the possibility of life ever getting better. Stay here. It's worth it, even if you don't see that where you are now.

Keep posting. Good luck