Thanks sunrise i have been drinking so much fluid i think i'm going to burst. i just tried some crackers/peanut butter... see how i do with that. If it stays in then i'll try some soup later. It's been horrid.. i'd get hungry but not be able to keep anything in me.. i won't get graphic blech.

i think he will definitely understand this particular need. My life has fallen apart around me. i'm alone now. i keep jumping around in what i want to do or talk about but i think i need help. i'm going to ask if maybe he can try to keep us on one track for now.. just take control for a while, until i feel less fragile.

trouble is trust.. i don't trust that he won't just kick me out in sheer frustration. i don't trust him to be there. i don't trust him or anyone is so many ways. He is a really nice guy and i think he's a good T. Word around is he's one of the best here... haven't heard one bad thing, all good.

i dunno.. we'll see on monday. i may leave therapy for a while anyway... depends on what we can work out. i really need specific things around me and he might not be able to do exactly what i need right now. If not then i need to just stop for a while.