Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog
The son is not a child anymore.
Just my opinion. I see a lot of people (young adults) who cannot handle things because their parents are constantly doing it for them. This has nothing to do with the mental and physical health here - he has a therapist and if he wants his father to change - then, in my opinion, the support should go to helping son talk to father - not having mother triangulate.
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I see you added more.
1--we have no idea if Art and her H have always "done" things for her son. Maybe.
1a: I want to introject that my parents expected much more of me than I was capable of, developmentally-wise. In turn, I was much more independent and in need of no one's help at an early age. Mostly, this is fine with me. I enjoy being independent. The problem is, I don't know how NOT to be. I don't know how to ask others for help if I am hurting. I recently quit roller derby that i've been doing for a year and a few months over some hurt feelings. Logically, I know this is a ridiculous reason for quitting something that has been fun. Emotionally, I dove right back into my depression and can only see that no one cares.
The point is, at 36, my indepence has been good that I was able to get a job, find somewhere to live....and that is it.
2--He JUST started seeing this T. Chances are, it is going to take some time to work things out. Art should be listening to him (hopefully not automatically blaming herself for everything), and I think should be talking about this with her H. They are the parents. Art's son is not 33 and saying these things. He hasn't left home yet, and in many ways is immature.
3--I agree, that the goal should be that son could talk to H. But from Art's descriptions of H's reactions, this is probably not the best idea.