So things are much better this week,I have got over the upset over the other forum and feel more relaxed and settles.The really heavy depression is lighter,I hadn't realised how bad it got,I was starting to enter self hatred and wanting to punish myself all because I was badly treated and discriminated against.I mustn't blame myself and go into self hatred cos of others mistreating me.Abuse is never my fault when it is directed against me.
I guess cos it was always made to seem like it was my fault when I was younger,it was if I wasn't ugly,fat,foreign,stupid,bad,etc they wouldn't be nasty to me,so of course it seemed liked i had done something to deserve the abuse.

I am back in self love which is a safer more secure place to be.My emotions scare me when they get low and heavy,it is always a difficult thing to go through and get out of and the danger is if my emotions get too severely negative that my mental health will start to deteriorate,I need to avoid psychosis and having my PTSD triggered cos then I will start to dissassociate,which is awful to go through.

Well yes,thankfully that danger period has passed.It is good that after much crisis planning I know to recognise the danger signs so can do something about things before they go down the wrong route.