Its so sad to me. I just turned 40 years old. I met my husband when I just turned 20, so hes been in my life for half of my life. He promised to love me and take care of me. I promised the same to him. So here we are, with three kids whom we both love to the deapths of our souls, but literally cannot stand each other. I have made some major mistakes in this marriage. I have not been even close to perfect at times. I feel like I have been accountable, and I have sincerely made changes where change was needed and requested of me. I have titan strength and resilency, even when all I want to do is curl up into a ball and never leave my bed. My kids count on me. Its so hard to take care of them in the ways in which I feel like they need me. Complex PTSD has taken so much from my life and reduced me to a shell of a human being. I feel like its an acid that has eaten away at my soul and left me hollow and empty. Im either crazy mad and frustrated or just empty. Unless you go through this, I cant imagine being able to understand how dibiltating it is.

I just need some people in my life to say "I know exactly what you are going through", because I feel like a freak.