Contrary to what most folks seem to believe, there really is no such thing as "common law marriage." But there is a will. I need to dig it out and see what he authorized for me to decide.

I don't want him to be cremated. He told me yesterday that he would rather not be cremated. But the reality is that, unless he or I are paying for something more expensive, then his kids can do whatever they want. Basically, they don't want his demise to cost them very much.

You might remember, Perna, about how I was helping him look into that VA benefit called "Aid and Assistance." Then his apartment manager told us he'ld lose his Section 8 subsidy, if he got that benefit. Well, she was wrong. And her assistant admitted that to us. So, with help from a VA social worker, he got the benefit. It is a wonderful benefit. And there is a lot of latitude given for how the funds can be used. The social worker suggested putting some of the money that has accumulated, in the account he has for that benefit, to pre-fund final arrangements by getting a policy from a funeral home that keeps the money in an irrevocable trust.

Originally, I was using the money to pay caretakers, so I could have more time to myself. I was disappointed in the quality of care that people we hired were providing. So I've told him that I would just as soon do most of his care myself, and put that money into pre-paying the kind of final arrangements that he would prefer and that I would prefer. There is also reason to believe that his kids would be pleased to know they won't have that expense. I think it would smooth over some estrangement that has developed over who is paying for what.

There is nothing morally wrong with cremation. It's a matter of taste. I dislike cremation, and so does he. I feel like we have been given a blessing that allows him to select and finance what he'ld like. And I'm willing to make a sacrifice to help bring this about. His daughter only came up with the cremation idea because she does not want this to cost her much. Also, she says her siblings won't discuss splitting the costs. I'ld like to be able to go to that funeral/burial without being surrounded by a family that resents that their father didn't take responsibility for final expenses.