I'm just really completely numb, trying to keep myself from obsessive google searching of information, definitions etc.

Two people I trust with their own personal histories told me they agreed with my T. One experienced sibling stuff as well and I'm trying not to give in to my strong urges to ask her a ton of questions as I dunno what triggers her. Her perp sibling also turns to her for help in crisis like my perp sibling with me (not the one whose therapy I'm paying for). (Not using perp in a pejorative sense just to denote the dynamic)

It really stinks that the hospital outpatient clinic I go to is overwhelmed with cases. Every T has a full caseload so my T can only see each person on her caseload once a month.

I'm OK I think but I feel like once the numb wears off, I'm going to implode on myself and all over the place ugh.

Thanks for your concern, I really appreciate it despite how completely numb I am.