it seems to me the real question you seek is affirmation you are okay.

Being diagnosed with a mental illness can be scary and frutrating. The suggestion things might be wrong can very much anger us - and cause us to be angry at those around us we see as transgressing our relationships rather than supporting them. The way I was able to look at it was relief in the discovery I finally wasn't alone - that there was an entire community of people like me. Having mental illness need not mean you aren't okay.

I always point people in the direction of their family doctor who is not just a good person to talk to but can determine if the ball should get started rolling - which they can do for you. They can get you back into the mental healthcare system with a psychiatrist whom I believe can also set you up with a therapist ideal for you and your situation. They are also in a position to determine if the mental healthcare system is not what you need afterall.

When it comes specifically to decision making there are numerous reasons why. In my own case it is fear of disaster (Catastrophic Thinking), Discounting the Positive, and low self worth. I have had some success with CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy).

Finally, I am glad you reached out. A very good welcome to you.