I did this before. Actually, not this last summer, but the one before, I was doing everything alone. I was going to movies alone. I was walking in parks alone. I was biking alone, I was attending events alone ... etc. I enjoyed it to some extent, but also I was hoping to form connections by "putting myself out there". I also was going to meetup groups. Nothing worked at all.

And beside I was alone which seemed awkward by itself (people probably thought I had issues), I felt doubly awkward because I'm from a different culture. Not necessarily on how people perceive me, but how I perceive myself in comparison to others. I feel I'm different, and this makes me very self-conscious. I also struggle to communicate with others. My technical English that I use for my work is not bad, but for everyday life it's not that good (no wonder!!). I usually feel anxious and shy to talk to people in my own language, let alone in a foreign language. It takes me a huge courage to go to a coffee shop and order something. If there is someone else than the cashier (??) I feel very embarrassed and I feel they look at me which they usually do, and I simply hate it. Maybe with someone I would feel more confident. Even with proper English I still have some accent

All of these things are contributing factors, but not causes. The cause is that I'm not sociable, and have anxiety, and don't know how to connect with people in general. I've chosen to be isolated after experimenting with other alternatives. It wasn't my first choice. For the people watch part, yesterday I went out to do something for a couple of hours, and I absolutely looked at the face of no one. I saw the shape of people passing by me, and standing and sitting beside me, and heard them, but I didn't look at anyone in the face . That's how anxious I feel around people. I feel people are judging and looking at me, which makes me act as a soldier in the presence of his officer. It's silly, but true.