Hey laffer75 I am sorry you are in so much pain.

Please, I urge you to seek real life help. We care about you here & many of our community truly understand how it feels to be stood right where you are now. Take courage & comfort in knowing that even having been to that place we are still here now, supporting you & caring about you. You can get through this.

I send you strength to hold on & courage to seek real life help. Take care.