I'm glad i can help you and we are talking,i'll continue a bit more to get you familiar with that kind of behavior and what actually my girlfriend put me through.

Remember this always''NEVER EVER TELL HIM HOW HE MADE YOU FEEL,DON'T GIVE HIM THAT SATISFACTION OF KNOWING THAT HE HURT YOU,DON'T SHOW HIM YOUR WEAKNESS,TRUST ME HE IS GOING TO ENJOY YOUR PAIN(I KEEPT POSTING SAD THINGS ON FACEBOOK WHEN SHE LEFT ME AND SHE WAS JUST HAVING FUN EVERY SECOND SEEING THO'S THINGS AND ENJOYED INFLICTING PAIN,YOU CAN'T REALLY DROP YOURSELF LOW AND TALK TO A SELFISH,NARCISSISTIC 5 YO KID OR CALL HIM ON HIS BEHAVIOUR OF HOW HE HURT YOU,HE WON'T UNDERSTAND YOU AND HE WILL LAUGH HIS *** OFF NEVER FORGET THIS EVER''I DID THIS MISTAKE YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT,HE IS DEAD FROM INSIDE HAS NO EMPATHY YOU CAN'T ASK SOMEONE TO FOR EX''SPEAK GERMAN WHEN HE NEVER HEARD ABOUT GERMAN LANGUAGE''

First thing first i feelt exactly like you feel right now,i wanted so bad to take revenge,off how she hurt me,how she was not sorry,how she gained my trust,how easy was for her to just flip the switch off,all the cheating's,all the lies the begging she did to take her back etc etc.

The last time she returned it was 2 months ago haven't heard from her till then,we head a month of break before that,she returns like nothing happened and pm's me with''Whats up baby how are you doing imagine all 1 month nothing from her,i catch her cheating kissing a guy,and she tells me it's just a friend lulz anyways''When she came back:I used that 1 month as healing period or No Contact,i set the boundaries in the first 10 minutes of the convo she started lying again,i told her''Do whatever don't lie to me i might have head feelings and gave you my all Empathy at that time and closed my eyes on your every - but thing's changed you can't really lie or manipulate me anymore,it's not that i did not notice at the old times that you lied also but i was just closing my eyes because i loved and cared about you,and she got super upset and told me''Geez it must have been really difficult for you to watch your father die melt in front of your eyes,at least i have my family''

Imagine the girl that i loved the girl that i saved her life from suicide 5 times the girl that i did everything for her,her parents head no idea how to communicate to her children they would call me everyday when she tried to suicide i would go there with hours talk to her and give her everything i got.

What i want to relate in here is that,you can't really make him realize what he did to you he shares a 5 yo mentality a selfish one which he only cares about himself,this is what i call Lack of Empathy,My girlfriend used to do the same he does to you give me the so called Silent Treatment(cause me crucified pain everyday i tried to search for answers which i got none,she liked controlling people,and she was cheating with god knows how many people)They really are childish you can't really call them for their actions it's pointless,it's like talking to a 3 yo child about psychology or how he called me a baby face and hurt me(the kid would laugh his ***,he does not even understand you TF your talking about),i feel't like taking revenge on her but on the other hand i feelt just sorry,the best revenge is being Neutral they freak out when they get that,i mean can a grown up even my worst enemy if we were killing each other at the last moments he would never tell me i'm glad you lost a family member that's childish and inmature because at the end of the day we all are going to die that's inevitable.

They are master Manipulators they will bring even the most Confident-Man-Woman and independent in their knees,they will turn your family against you,you can't really drop on the lvl of his trying to explain or talk something mature of how he hurt you he wont even care,they will Gaslighten you and Stonewall you to death(if you have no idea what tho's are do some google search),every time i told my girlfriend she was causing me pain she Laughed her *** and gaslightened me with it's not true i didn't do tho's stuff.

It's like we are sitting both on a table drinking beers and she just out of the blue stands up slaps me 3 times and leaves,and tomorrow she comes back and hugs me tells me what's up baby,you tell her wtf was wrong with you yesterday,and she tells you nothing,you call for her action that she slapped you and she tells me nah i was not with you yesterday i was at home i didn't slap you that's what i call Gaslightning(making you doubt yourself your own actions causing you pain because they know they have you and your empathy)

It's not that i didn't see through them there is a saying''Fool me once shame on you,fool me twice shame on me''But i was in the same position like you are my mind was clouded by my heart,i was not strong enough to walk away cuz i cared about her and i loved her,she knew she has my control 100% so she would do whatever she wants,and when she got bored return to me.

I mean she even told me this you ain't cool your simply a Doctor,i mean who wants a doctor right?Who wants someone who can care and love someone right?They want drug abusers,people that cause them pain,bad bois,tho's people are attractive,education means nothing to her.

What i want to tell you is that mark this word''The time you pm him you give him full power,you make him feel special it does not matter what you pm him,just a single word,he then makes sure once again he has you,considers you Crap uses you and leaves you it's like getting freebies from the Store where from a time on people will just get bored of getting the same item,the time you pm him once again you give him admiration he feels strong he feels he can control anything everything.

Don't really do that never forget this''Things that are hard to get have high value''Don't let him ruin you mentally and sexually your not his Trash Can,keep your ego keep your head up he has nothing more then you do take care of yourself,set the ****ing boundaries if he agrees to that fine if not he can otherwise **** himself,be strong you no need to care about someone who does not care about you,your well being,your emotions,just try to think it the logical side not the emotional one''

My grandpa used to tell me this he was really smart''If someone does not love you,you don't have to love him or respect him either that's how it works''

They make no logic so don't try to explain anything to them it's pointless you will waste your energy,self esteem,will get depressed and end up on treatment ask your self is that really your worth?Be smart about it why would you ruin yourself for someone like that.

You are not his father neither mother neither sister neither friend,your his Girlfriend god damn it,it has to be 50:50,tho's stuff that your doing for him his own parents won't do them,your just humiliating your own Human being for him,Never forget this your someones daughter you have or head family you grew up in a friendly environment you head love you know what's empathy you are caring,he has no idea what tho's stuff even mean,you cant really teach a 3 yo to love you care about you or take responsibility for his actions,it's impossible.

Have some dignity in yourself your Human it's better to suffer a short period of time till you forget him wounds heal,rather then suffer a lifetime your already hurt,your already in pain get a reward from it, run from him,this is not a game he has no idea what he is doing,playing with someones feelings is really hard manipulating people etc,just think of your childhood that you once were a kid you were loved bring tho's memories back respected by your parents feelt alive free,your a human being,don't let him suck your soul and self esteem i promise you,you wont even be able to walk on the street when he continues with the torture.

I'm in here for anything you need don't forget that,don't pm him everytime you feel hurt or like talking to someone just drop it in the message section don't give him power you ain't his playing toy your someone that everyone would have loved to communicate,he has no idea what he is doing or who he is losing and you don't have the strength to open his eyes no one can do that,if he really wants you he will play by your rules and boundaries otherwise he can **** off quite simple,don't ever trust his lies that he is seeking therapy they will lie he will hoover you in the game again use you then leave you,the best thing is to end this toxic thing you know the rules find the inner strength get the **** hurt and leave him better late then never'',He wants you he will seek therapy with you if he does not none of your business,you don't need to care for someone that he does not care for you in return.

''Peace Love and Happiness Damon''[/QUOT

Good evening, I read your message yesterday, and again tonight. I contacted friends last night and we went to the range, it felt great to concentrate on something else. Today I just had some running around and studying for a Biology class. Because on top of everything I am back in school at 33 !!

At some point today, I notice he reactivated his Facebook account, totally contradicting his believes that Facebook is evil, controlling people, spying on people and bringing to much negativity into his spiritual life.
Than tonight he deactivated it again !!!

Yesterday, after the range driving home after saying good night to my friends, I felt so angry. Replying everything in my head. I again wanted to contact him, even considered showing up at his place. But instead I expressed my feeling to my neighbor that's been my rock for many years now through everything. She helped me control myself and I didn't contact him. I did have a few drinks last night, and I barely every drink so that was probably not helping. Looking back I'm just glad I didn't reached out.

Reading back your message also confirmed how bad of an idea that was, how pointless it would of been and how I would of just ended up hurting even more.

I made the decision to cut contact with his aunt, she was a total ***** to me today. His family just loves to take **** out on me apparently.

So your girlfriend after this last contact, when she got super upset and told you she was glad you lost a family member... What happen after that? Where you stand now?

Reading your messages over and over, it just amazes me how your straight on target. It is so helpful. I get really emotional reading it as I'm starting to realize and almost come to the acceptance that the man I love and I have a toxic relation ship that can no longer continue like this.

I still have so many pictures of us in my phone and on Facebook. Looking at them, and some are very recent, makes it so hard to believe that over night what we had got destroyed by an heart quake.

tomorrow is an other day, I have sparring in the morning and more studying in the afternoon. I do try keep busy, keep my mind occupied but I sure wonder what his doing.