this is me getting a bit personal with things in my life and touching on really rough and raw things in my life right now that are kind of school relate but kind of not. So I have been deal with going to school for a fairly long time now and for various reasons of one kind or another struggling with it.

I just went through an incredibly hard and rough break up with my fiancé of a year. I just found literally today that aparently he feels that I was using him to advance myself with schooling and with my career choices of becoming a CVT and a CNA.
I called him today to tell him I did not want him to forgive me for what I had done or to let me back in his life cause I know he does not not I just wanted acknowledge that I had hurt him and that I was sorry for it.


out of all the things I have delt with and heard from this person this was the one thing I was truly most stomped by, I went and did a CNA class this last fall and did fairly well with the class. However due to a long standing issue with anxiety I could not get through the written exam, in fact I took the exam three times and was not able to pass. But I am still not willing to give up I am going to be taking the course again in the fall and hopefully will get a better result.

in addition to this I am doing CVT training through Pennfoster online. I thought for the year I was with him and living with him that I had his support in what I was doing my life, and wanting advance myself with it. Apparently even though I took care of ALL of my own finical issues with both forms of training, in his eyes I took advantage of him to advance my careers.

I know that hearing this words deeply hurt me and and because I have been struggling with my depression a lot.....hearing further hurtful things from not just someone I loved but someone I viewed as my best friend for a long time. This does not help with my over all emotions and sometimes my motivation to further myself. But in a way it does, I never needed this mans help for my schooling when I was living with him and I surely don't need his assitance now. I can have a job, and do my schooling and get through all this. Even if the road is long and its a hard one for me to see through I am going to see it through no matter what. That was my decision years ago before I even meet him and it still is.