Thank you Hoping, for all the advice and kind words! Yes, me and my husband have major problems going on still. I too lack the closeness during sex with my husband... we still have sex regularly but it's always so one sided. I don't feel emotionally ready to put my full intimacy into the act. He has hurt me and continues to hurt me with his blatantly hurtful behaviour and lack of empathy.
I was cheated on in every one of my previous relationships and it's a huge fear of mine. I have that fear with my husband now, plus reasons to believe he has been unfaithful in the past.. but im not sure that is just my anxiety talking.

Seeing anything sexual on TV or reading about it, makes me so very sad I feel that is all my husband wants from me .. or any man for that matter.
I found out about my husbands colourful past after we had our first baby and my views of him being different from past men in my life, him being a respectful man were all shattered.
This is the only thing I can think of that has triggered these horrible feelings!!

It is a tough situation to be in, you are right. Just when I try to put my faith into our relationship and put my fears aside and give it my 100%, he knocks me back down and i get anxious about it all over again.

I hope to find some end to this nightmare soon. It seems to be taking a long time to settle and resolve.