Hello Everyone,

I'm 35 y/o and been married a total of 8 years. I have 2 children with my wife 8/7. I'll try to keep this short as possible.

I am currently active duty military and met my wife in North Carolina. We have definitely had out ups and downs over the years. Right before I went on deployment in April 2016, my wife caught me messaging another female on the phone. The last year, she was in school and hanging out with her friends and became really distant to me, almost like a roommate so I done that stupid thing to get attention and it was totally wrong and I admitted that. We talked through it and I thought everything was good. I left 2 weeks after that on a 9 month deployment overseas. The first couple months I was out there we where able to FaceTime and it seemed like we where ok. Then my 3rd month till month 9 she never really talked to me or our conversations became really short. Come to find out she was hanging out and going out with a guy from her class. This guy is apparently married. So while I was deployed, I noticed she started going to the range and doing different things with this guy. She stated that he is like a "Brother" and nothing is wrong with that. She also stated around month 8 of my deployment that when I get back, it probably wouldn't be best to live together at the moment. She had mentioned that we needed to start back from square one and start dating eachother again. After being married for 8 years to this womn I was devastated to hear that she didn't want to live together. She had also mentioned that when I got back we would not be having sex. She moved off base into an apartment in which mybpictures where taken down instead of in my children's room, she took off her rings and she started to regain her self as of what she called it. I had asked her if she was having an affair in which she denied. She said she is focused on school and the kids.

The first night back from deployment, she asked if I could come over and watch the kids while she went to school and Inaccepted it. While I was there, I noticed a 30 rack of beer in the closet and cigarettes on top of the fridge. My wife has never been a beer drinker like that. I looked at her computer and noticed under her pictures that there where pictures of the guy from her class shooting pool at a bar. I noticed a lot of different things around the house. Another thing is she locked the door to her room.

Fast forward the next day, I drove by her house and that guy was on her patio and I talked to him, his friend and her. She blew up at me and said I had no right to be there and thatbI humiliated her. So I left. Remind you as well my kids said that they slept at his house with her and his wife was gone. They said she slept on the couch but why was she over there doing that? Why would a married woman do that?

So fast forward today, I mentioned to my wife if she wanted to go to marriage counseling to work our issues out and she said no. She said she is focused on the kids and school but not us. But she seems to have time to go out with this guy to do things but doesn't have time for me. She said that I'm a negative person and the way she talks to me now is so nonchalant, like she doesn't care at all. I think her friends are influencing her and she tasted life without me and feels it's easier....

Guess what I'm trying to ask is do you think my marriage is over?? I suggested Counseling but she rejected it. She says I had 8!years and now I'm just realizing I lost a good woman....I don't know what to do, I am an emotional wreck. I can't sleep, my heart is constantly pounding and this overall hurts me so bad. I want my family back but she doesn't want it..Can someone please tell me what I need to do? We been separated 9 months from my deployment and I feel that if I never left, non of this would have happened. Now that she has freedom to go out with this guynornhave him over, she is enjoying that life.

For the past month I been home, we communicate for the kids and she told me that she was going to invite me out to dinner but my actions have told her not to. I don't know wether to do the 180 or give up