I identify with much of what ArgonAutomobile said. I think about therapy, marriage counseling, my T, and MC quite a bit. Especially stuff with MC. T has called it obsessive thinking and ruminating (though I hate thinking of stuff that way). I've said to her that if I wasn't obsessing/ruminating about him, it would be something else. Like stuff with my daughter. Or my relationship with my H. Or my health. Or political stuff (especially lately!). So I think there's maybe some element of avoidance in there. And also, as MC himself has said, he's "safe."

You mention OCD stuff--have you been officially diagnosed with OCD? I've had it since I was a kid. If not...then could be something else maybe. So...not sure what I'm getting at here. Just that you're not alone!

And I also have some intense (paternal) transference and attachment for my MC, so that plays a role, too, I'm sure...