I too am a Christian and I went thru the same thing you are feeling now, therefore, I am going to approach this issue from the side of a Christian that is having quilt from the pleasure that SELF GRATIFICATION is giving them.

First let me start off by informing YOU that no where in the Bible does it say that one cannot masturbate - all it says is to do ALL THING in MODERATION and to not LUST after another..... so if you are only parting of self pleasure just once or twice a month and with out the use of visual aid of any kind then I personally feel that you are not sinning against God.

Second - the only problem that might arise from this matter (but also may not) is that YOU may become so addicted to the masturbation that your body may later find it hard to become a roused with your partner (your husband).

Over all I would say to relax and to try not to get so upset or stressed out over this matter as it is not an issue against God - and if any thing the people in church that find it wrong comes about this ideal more out of personal preference than Biblical Law.

((( hugs )))