EJ, my mother was strong and critical and controlling, volatile, intrusive, etc. My father was passive but had explosive episodes

A good book about borderline mothers you might want to read to see if it fits: Understanding the Borderline Mother by Christine Ann Lawson. I picked it up on a trip to the bookstore for something else; when I opened the book it opened to a section about the Queen mother and my mother was quite the Queen Bee so I had to get it and read it.