sometimes I deliberately trigger myself for this reason.

feeling numb, and I just need to feel something.. even if that thing is bad and something I shouldn't be feeling

I used to do it a hell of a lot (in fact it was almost a coping method for mwe), I'd feel numb, find something that triggers me, watdch/ listen to it, feel something, and know i'm still alive

I try to do it less now, I know it's not really healthy