Your marriage is over.
She had/ is having an affair. Just ask the guy he will probably be honest.

Get a lawyer, and stop punishing yourself for doing your job.
She knew what she was doing even to the point of waiting til you were deployed to move you out.

Personally I have a massive issue with this kind of thing so I am going to leave it there.

All the best, I hope you have good people around you to lean on.