6 months ago I really didn't expect to be here for my 30th birthday. I'm feeling better today than back then, but I'm still unstable and I know things could turn quickly.
So, my birthday is this thursday. For a long time I tried to just not think about it, thinking the day never came.
I know it's "just a number". But still, it brings up a lot of thoughts/emotions: a decade gone by where I really wasn't happy and generally struggled so much, missed out on a lot and been very alone. It's really been so hard. I have resentment and bitterness about what I missed out on because of my upbringing and family problems... I just hope it will get better. It has to, and I feel it. Without a doubt I cannot go through many more years this way.

I try to look forward instead of backwards. I planned with my therapist to bring some cake to work (even though I don't like the attention much) and see how it goes. Maybe go out for a beer with some of them. Maybe, I'm not sure. I hope I'll have a nice birthday for once.