Hi everyone,

I'm bit of in a rough patch.. I was recently diagnosed with a borderline personnality disorder acter years of trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me.
I'm 25 and I just can't be in a relationship.. I tried and I just can't. I have a good habit of feeling love towards unavailable women but if I ended up socializing with a woman that happens to be single. Everything goes fine until I feel she is interested. From there I just lose it ! I feel so unsafe and I anxious, so much that I can't concentrate on anything else.. I totally freeze trying to deal with what's happening. And if I do open myself to someone, I have vivid nightmares which I can't even deal with when I wake up.
Now I know that there is a possibility to develop post traumatic stress from a BPD. I just needed to talk about it and have an opinion.

I was abandonned by my dad when I was a kid after he and my mom split up. Then I started having nightmares about him leaving and would wake up terrorized and in tears as if I was always living the father/son breakup all over again, I kept having the same nightmares growing up.
When I was a teen, I didn't seem to be able to deal very well with emotions. I was cheated on by my first "serious" girlfriend. And then had another relationship for a year and a half and the end I couldn't deal with what was happening in my life, I was anxious all the time and very depressed, so that girl which I loved very much ended up cheating on me too. That one hit me hard, I fell in a deep depressive state which caused me to be like a zombie...

Anyway! Since that time I've been unable to be in a relationship. I just keep repeating the same patterns of socializing with girls I'm interested in and end up freaking out and running. I've seen a psychologist, a life coach, a sexologist... I'm exhausted. This affects me on every aspect of my life. I crave for love but I can't even feel it when it presents itself. I get attatched to unavailable girls to satisfy my "hunger" and ended up feeling hurt because they are unavailable. Or even spending time with girls I like while being so insecure it is unattractive.. I feel so ruined. Any idea?