uh... where did I say anything about marriage being my focus? How does not wanting to be alone equal wanting to be married? As I am not even in a relationship right now, it would be silly to be considering marriage.
But, yes, I do struggle to form real connections with people overall. I do, however, have a small group of friends, and those friendships are very dear. But none of them have any answers for me beyond "you just haven't met the right one yet". The relationships thing does put a strain on my friendships, though... I have lost many friends over the years as they have paired off. It is an interesting phenomenon. As people get older and pair off, they tend to leave their single friends behind. We get invited around less and less, our invitations are brushed off, our phone calls, texts, and emails start going unanswered… until there is no more contact between us and our coupled friends other than occasionally bumping into one another in public and saying we should get together sometime only go back to leaving unanswered messages before giving up again.

Well, yes, but what? This is kinda the root of the problem, isn't it. It is something I have put a lot of thought and research into. The best I have been able to surmise is that I don't know how to flirt and don't recognize when someone is flirting with me. Many times I have found out later that someone was interested in me, but I never picked up on it. Case in point, last year I ran into a woman I was friends with years ago, we chatted a bit, I told her how my business was getting along, she told me she was getting married soon, etc. But when I asked why we stopped hanging out, I was shocked. She told me she had to move on, that she 'practically threw [her]self' at me, and I never even noticed. The thing is, I had actually been interested in her, but I never saw any indication that she might be interested in me, and I never made a pass at her because I did not want to damage our friendship.

So it's not just a matter of saying or doing the wrong thing(s); it's also a matter of not being able to read people and not knowing how to play the whole flirting 'game'. It's not like there is any way to learn this either. There are no classes or workshops that teach flirting, unless you count pick-up culture, and those guys are just a**holes.

I have been to a few therapists since then. Two of them wanted me to do CBT… which I'm sure has many benefits for some people, but it is rather ineffectual for ASD and basically amounts to teaching us to act less autistic. The other suggested religion, and when I explained to him I am an atheist, he said, "maybe that's the problem."

This, this, and this! Thank you. Yes this is something I find exasperating, this idea that being successful in business makes me "high-functioning" and I should therefore have no problems elsewhere. In fact, being successful takes a huge toll on me. I basically have to play a character in order to interact on the level necessary to drive my business ventures. Then I go home and can't even turn the lights on because I am so over-stimulated from the day's activities. Many times I end up rocking back and forth in the corner with my arms around my knees just focusing on breathing and not having a meltdown. Is it so much to ask to have someone in my life who I can relax around? Someone who understands and is okay with me being me? Someone I can interact with without being in character?

It's a double edged sword, really. I spend so much of my time in character that I sometimes just want to walk away from the whole thing and live out the rest of my life as a hermit on a mountaintop, but when I am not in character, I am alone and lonely, and the only time I feel even somewhat accepted is when I am not being me. So on one hand, I feel driven to be the businessman, the promoter, the entrepreneur and philanthropist, because this is the person the world accepts and likes, and I want to be accepted and liked. Who doesn't? On the other hand, I hate it. I hate that I have to play a role to be considered a member of society, that my true and honest self is somehow subhuman and unworthy of acceptance, let alone love or affection.