Hi Trace! Thank you for answering.
Well I have to admit there many things twisted altogether. :/
I had crazy panic attacks for so long.. I dont even care for people anymore and I get scared "to death" when people like me, AND I feel like **** when the ones I like don't show specific signs that they like me back.
I know there is a lot of Acceptation to have towards myself but I feel like I just can't ! Like I am locked out of my feelings. They still happen tho.
Thing is, I'm a very lovely person, I like to be with people and they like to be around me too.. It is the biggest contradiction I've seen so far. And yet I feel SO ashamed of myself. And of course there is that struggle with ADD which is much harder than I thought.

I am indeed really scared to get hurt, anything that can make feel bad about myself.
My dad used to say I was weak, that I have to man up. But as all of you know, it is NOT how it works. And I'm the one stuck with that pain now. Being rejected so often by my immediate family caused me more pain than anything else. And I don't get it, I always felt hurt and still would try to make others feel good about themselves. I'm a good person, I wish I could be that good towards myself.