Richard, you are so articulate, so insightful into your own behaviors, I'm wondering if you really have Aspergers.

I dated a man many years ago. He's dead now, but looking back on our relationship, he fits the description of Aspergers. I hurt him very deeply, and badly, but he didn't understand that I wanted to end the relationship. His condition was really bad, though, unlike you seem to reveal in your writing.

Who even has diagnosed you with Aspergers? As a retired teacher, I've had many students with this disorder, and it's pretty debilitating. Obsessing over minutiae, needing constant reassurance. You don't seem to be like that.

As for being alone...there are far worse things. Like..an unhappy relationship to which you've attached yourself.

I've chosen, happily, to be alone, after many online dating debacles, which cost me a lot of money and emotional energy. Try finding things that interest you, take a class, volunteer (you say you already do that). Here there is a Meetup for atheists also. Maybe find one.