...I feel like I'm such a strong person; other times I wonder how I can take this anymore. I've had a month of a lifting of the depression after raising my Latuda dose. I've had some really good successes over the past month, things I've worked hard at achieving. Then last night I had some especially fearful thoughts and bang, today I have battled all day.

Here it is twilight and I'm wondering how I can continue living with this...mostly stable for a while, then some fear and down it all goes. I'm using all the skills and tools I know of, of course taking my meds, asking God for help, but the fear bashes me into anxiety, then down into depression and here I am again. It's like I'm allergic to being human. I'll be like this for a while, then back to 'okay', but still afraid of even feeling okay, knowing that the crash will come.

And it's raining without end. Rain predicted all week. It feels like this winter has been 3 years long.

Thank you for listening.