I find myself immersed in those thoughts day in and day out.

How did bipolar people survive before?

How did migraineurs survive before?

They must have survived to pass their genes on to us.

Somehow I cannot accept (easily) the idea of using the modern benefit of bipolar and migraine meds.

But when I think of the internet or coin laundry, they are modern conveniences, too, and I never think twice about using them.

What is different about medications? Why is it difficult to accept? I am sure I am not alone. Is it before medications are something you take inside your body, while the internet and washing machines exist outside?

I also find myself feeling compassion for people who lived in the past - all the time. But, until I started composing this post, I did not feel compassion for people who currently live in the third world countries, without access to healthcare. People who lived in the past have all died - they cannot benefit from my compassion. Maybe it is not really compassion, but simply my trying to imagine myself living back then, and suffering.

I do have a daily gratitude practice now, and I do feel grateful for my medications and for the medications my beloved are taking, but at the same time there is this constant nagging thought that somehow I should be suffering unassisted.