Flutterby11,

what country are you in? Maybe we can find hotline numbers for your location. You are a precious creature, as everyone on this thread would say. You need a PRN medication and counseling in how to use it.

Your post makes me appreciate the healthcare in the US - you go to the ER being suicidal and they do not send you back... I went in Dec and have been rebuilding my life since. The hospital staff were incredibly helpful.

That was an aside. Your mood shows as depressed - are you depressed AND agitated? That may be a sign of your being inside a mixed episode. Mixed episodes are the most dangerous, especially given that a patient who is mixed has the energy necessary to carry out suicide. Can you promise us not to self-harm?