So. I dont know how to say this right. I don't really know how to say anything right at the moment. I feel like my emotions are in a blender. I'm at the point of no return, looking down at the abyss, and I don't think the fall would be that bad. You would think that having dealt with this for 14 years, since I was 7, it would be easier. But no, its just gotten steadily worse. For a minute I actually thought that I was getting better. For a second I actually believed I was on the track for getting healthy. But then everything has to go to ****. Everything has to fall apart right in my face. I had hoped that this year would be different, and that I could survive. I just found somebody and then it all falls to ****. It isn't fair. Why can't I have happiness for a while. Why does this keep on going on. Maybe I should have survived what happened in January of 2016. Maybe I should just give up.