To be willing to accept treatment, to be willing to fight for yourself and work to get better, one must care about him/herself enough to do so. I don't.

I don't just have a "low self-esteem". I truthfully hate myself. I believe that I deserve punishment sever enough to atone for my crimes. One of those crimes: being me. It's to the point that when I'm complimented or someone attempts to prove my worth to me, I have this overwhelming urge to kick their teeth in.

This begs the question: How do I actually help myself if I feel I'm unworthy of it? How do I fight against such a strong emotion known as 'hate'? How do I care enough to ever actually believe I deserve to get better?