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Old Feb 07, 2017, 09:27 AM
here today here today is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 3,517
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yukari View Post
. . .
My most recent therapist (and the one I was most open with) was fine up until I started describing the more nasty parts of my personality and behaviors, to which she responded by judging me pretty harshly for things that are out of my control. I asked if she thought I was a bad person and she hesitated before saying no. I stopped talking at the sessions and finally ended it two meetings later. . .
This kind of thing happened to me repeatedly, too. I finally got a diagnosis of Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified and even the specialist who diagnosed it couldn’t tolerate the more nasty parts of my personality. The ironic thing is I went into therapy years ago with those feelings cut off. I had worked for years to try to become aware and accept them, which is what psychologists years ago had encouraged people to do. So yes, I understand, too, about personality parts and behaviors over which one has little control. The odd thing to me is that even people who specialize in that kind of thing don’t understand and then are judgmental, etc. Very untherapeutic it certainly seems to me!!

You are certainly not alone in your feelings, and feeling alone in it was certainly painful -- and damaging I believe -- to me. When therapists have shamed me and treated me like I was . . .well, choose your label. I don’t even want to say because it still feels like it “sticks to” me. And then I felt like I couldn’t speak out or rant because I was so socially unacceptable, nobody would listen, everybody would just shame me more if I tried. I was so unacceptable even my therapist (read “my mom”?) couldn’t tolerate me, and so I was all alone, down in a pit, it’s awful.

Well, I guess I’m doing some better at talking about it.

Keep posting here on PC if it helps. It’s sure helped me.
Hugs from:
kecanoe, Yukari
Thanks for this!
Yukari