when i started seeing him we negotiated a rate such that... my contribution is fairly minimal. he took pity on me 'cause i'm a poor students (trying to live off scholarship with no other funds), basically.

i was to see whether my health insurance would cough up. i guess... i tried to sound optimistic about that in our first meeting... but after he seemed similarly optimistic, i told him that i really... didn't think they would cough up. he seemed truely fine about that. said 'oh well, its okay, we can work together anyway'.

i've been paying my contribution. i guess i thought he knew that no other contribution (from health insurance) had come in. i mean, i deal with his secretary with respect to payments, but i guess i thought he would have had a little look in the system at some point and seen that they hadn't come in. and... just kind of thought to himself 'i guess they didn't cough up after all'.

last session we were talking about keeping in touch when i leave the country for a while. he said something about how he didn't know if health insurance would cover phone sessions and i said 'but they aren't covering anyway' and... he looked shocked. very shocked. and maybe even a bit pale.

i launched into an apologetic rant... i thought he knew... and he said 'oh i'm not blaming you but i don't know why the secretary didn't tell me'... and i said that maybe she thought the payment was still coming... i don't know. hang my head. shame. he tried to repair but he continued to look shocked.

i sent him an email. explained some more. said that maybe i'd misrepresented myself. breeched teh contract. would be understandable if he didn't want to see me again etc. that he should take some time to think about what he wanted to do. he could cancel the session by txt or email if he wanted. that maybe i owe him some (a hell of a lot) of money...

he... replied. said he was shocked, yeah. but that he doesn't do it for the money. that he certainly does still want to work with me.

i love my t. was so scared i was gonna lose him :-( so scared. i've never told him that i love him. do you think it would freak him out???