Hello all. I've written on here before about my grandmother and my strained relationship with her. She's always been emotionally abusive and she criticizes everything I do. I've lived with her for 22 years, since I was 3, and she's been abusive since then up until now. She's also been sexually inappropriate with me when I was 5. She's homophobic and instead of accepting me, she denies my identity and says that if I've never had sex then I'm not gay (I never told her I was a virgin, she assumed). Of course I would have a weird avoidant relationship with sex, given my history. So I thought that was very inconsiderate of her to say.

Things have escalated between us since my cat passed away (she was abusive to my cat too, but physically and I was too young to help her and I was also being abused too). The problem is where my mother comes into all of this. She doesn't do anything. Instead I'm the one that has to do everything. For example, right now my grandma is giving me the silent treatment because of an argument we had where she said she doesn't understand why I'm depressed because I have a "good life" and I told her that she doesn't know anything about me so she shouldn't invalidate me like that. When I say good morning and goodnight she grumbles something incoherent. My mom said I should continue to say good morning and goodnight to her, but it's okay if she doesn't respond. I don't get that.

My mom has done nothing to address my grandma's emotionally abusive ways against me or her homophobia. My grandma asked me some invasive questions that I found very creepy and that made me uncomfortable when she found it I was gay and my mom didn't confront her about it. Instead, my mom confronts her indirectly. For example, instead of confronting my grandmother about her inappropriate questions about my sex life when she found out I was gay, my mom said, "I accept my child and whoever doesn't accept them can leave". But she never addresses my grandmother directly. The problem with this is that my grandma agrees with my mother when she says those things because she believes my mom isn't talking about her, so it comes off as if my grandma hasn't done anything wrong.

I would think after telling my mom that my grandma was sexually inappropriate with me as a child AND about her homophobia AND about the fact that my grandma talks about my mother behind her back and has called her derogatory terms AND tried to turn me against my mother from the ages of 6-8 that my mother would do something.

Instead, I'm the one who has to meet my grandmother halfway when my grandmother isn't putting in any effort.

I'm currently looking for a job so I can save up and move out.

This is making me more depressed and I honestly don't feel safe home. I don't like being home. It's not a safe space because I can't be myself. I'm always on edge because I'm wondering what will my grandma find to criticize about me next. She's always been somewhat creepy and she checks me out whenever I wear short pants around the house, so I always make sure to cover up when I'm home, even during the summer. I just don't feel safe emotionally and, while I love my mom to death, I feel horribly alone. I understand why my mom feels the way she does (part of it is religious and she says it's not "godly" to turn away family). I think she also believes that my grandmother will change. But what about me, you know? My mom didn't even confront my perpetrator when I was molested because my grandma told her not to (which makes sense with her behavior and all). It's not fair to me.

While I'm still at home, what advice do you have for me to deal with this situation? Thank you.