Aw, I don't tell him that I hate his guts.

I've only expressed anger to him once or twice. I expressed anger to him recently (before our last session) actually. The start of the session was filled with him telling me how happy he was that I trusted him enough to express that I was angry with him. I think he might be partly doing to to reassure himself... But I guess I have expressed anger / frustration to him at times, and that is a risk, yes. And he responds well to that, yes.

It is hard for me to express dependency because I worry that I'll repulse him. I figure he probably gets a lot of dependency already with his kids and stuff. I worry that he will want to get away from me if I'm clingy or if I express needy / dependent feelings. That being said, I have expressed them a little. Indirectly, though, I guess...

Indifference... Thats what I'm trying to foster towards Bob :-) Stuck in hate at the moment. I remember saying to him at some point that the trouble with idealisation is that it tends to lead to disillusionment and rage. I'm stuck in the rage now. Trying to emotionally remove myself. It is working, but it is a slow process...

I'm not indifferent to my t, yeah.

I just have trouble expressing my feelings. Cause they are little kid feelings. Sometimes... I think my emotional age is around 2 years old. I mean, I'm fairly good at putting on a good front. But those old buried feelings... Little kid... Throwing tantrums and wanting to be held and wanting to curl around his leg and never let go and throw my arms round his neck and make him carry me everywhere. And older feelings, too, of course. Sigh. I wish I didn't have these feelings.