I have been trying to think about how to say this, because I don't want to hurt your feelings, but Lefty has made, while blunt, a good point.

You want a child for you, but you're not thinking about what kind of life you're able to give that child. You think it's normal or okay to raise a child on disability and that will somehow provide you with enough money to raise a child for 18 years and then send the child to college. Parents usually want to give their children better than what they had. Living on disability and not having reliable transportation, how will you take your child to soccer practice or ballet class or the zoo or anything and how will you be able to afford any of that? My parents each worked full time and still struggled to give me all the things I needed to excel in music and the arts. I had a full scholarship to college, but they still had to borrow money to help me afford housing at college.

I feel like your desire to have a child is a lot like a child who wants a puppy who is interested in the puppy for a little while, but then stops feeding the dog or letting it out and the parents have to take care of it.

Also, if you're on SSDI, and want to raise your child on welfare, I'm sorry, why is it my responsibility to pay for your child through my taxes?

I'm not saying don't ever have a child, I just don't think you want one at this point in time for the right reasons or that you are mature enough to have one at this point. And if you were hospitalized back in December...shouldn't you try to have gone at least like, I don't know, 2 years, since your last hospitalization before you consider getting into a relationship and having a child? So you know you're at a certain level of stabilization?

There's an old mantra: you'll know you're ready if you can adopt a plant, and keep the plant alive for a year. Then adopt a pet, and keep the pet alive for a year, then you would be ready for a relationship and a child.

Besides being emotionally and mentally stable, you need to be financially stable and be able to afford all the things that a child needs. How will you afford healthcare for the child? Are you expecting to go on welfare for the healthcare? I'm not against welfare for emergency situations and a safety net, but if you are planning to have your child and use welfare as your means of caring for it, that's just irresponsible. Especially since you can never count on how those programs may change or be defunded.

Honestly, I think you are grieving over the many things that have happened to you this past year and you are focusing on a desire to have a baby as a way to not deal with those emotions. A baby is not going to fix any of those problems. A baby is not going to fix grief. A baby is not going to fix loneliness. A baby is not going to fix the other emotional turmoil you are going through.

I apologize if this analysis is hurtful, but I say it because I care and I think you would be making a big mistake by having a baby any time in the near future. A mistake for your own health and the baby's.

Seesaw