I know this isn't true, I know these aren't real, but they are very convincing. I'm not the most extremely paranoid person you'll ever meet, trust me there are worse, I just have my quirks and fears. These quirks and fears just so happen to make life harder. During highschool I had this fear that someone was levitating outside my window watching while I slept, if I didn't close the blinds he would watch me all night. I couldn't see him but I knew he was there. Throughout Highschool I would also fear the there were cameras set up watching me, I had a hard time trusting friends, I would fear they were talking behind my back. Some time during senior year I gained the fear that I actually wasn't human but in fact a robot. I still don't feel completely human, I think I replaced the original being that used to be in this body, they don't exist anymore. My anxiety has spiraled out of control, I fear the mundane and have a hard time seeing the worth in any situation. I often wish my parental unit had aborted me when she had the chance, the I wouldn't be such here. I can't shake the feeling that one day this is all going to end , the world is just going to stop and everything is going to die. My emotional instability has lead it to be hard to keep friends and my anxiety has made it hard to want to keep them. Part of me fears not feeling these things, maybe I do want to suffer? I think I would be just a waste of time for any therapist, and I to nervous to talk on the phone with one to try. How can I help myself to want to help myself. Sorry for the ramble