Thanks for the encouragement Marilyn and thank you for sharing your struggle too. Im trying to spend some time on these forums to make sense of everything and come to a peaceful but assertive decision.
My partners abuse is so subtle. I feel like a child, anxious to do any wrong in fear of being ridiculed. He tells me all the time how much he cares, how much he loves me and our children. Yet he doesn't show it...
When I express my feelings he laughs it off and refuses to take me seriously. If i tell him im leaving, he gets angry and says im ruining our family because im overly sensitive and needy. I feel alone and taken for granted.
I was waiting for him to go away to work so I could just leave without the big uproar he throws when iv tried in the past... now he's gone the abuse is gone. I feel FREE. I am happy, my days are enjoyable and stress free.

Yet he texts and calls me and the kids everyday to ask how we are and tell us how much he loves us.. the guilt has set in. How can I leave someone who loves us so much? My heart feels broken. I just want him to stop his awful ways so we can be a family.. and i feel ashamed I haven't just left already.
It is the most confusing situation I have ever been in.
Am I in an abusive relationship and need to leave? Or am I over sensitive and need to focus on the positives instead of the negatives?
I don't honestly know.