I'm sorry you're feeling this way [emoji20]❤️ I understand the feeling of hopelessness but none of this is your fault....
Don't beat yourself up, you're going through a lot already.
It's so frustrating when some mental health professionals end up leaving us more confused or feeling worse than before for whatever reasons; but please don't give up on searching for different options.
I hope you have a better day tomorrow. Sending love. ❤️