Spent $500.00 online today...eeek. Ended up in a nearby city with a friend at a bizarre coffee/champagne sophistcated book lounge. Felt as though I was in a dream. Corriders and hidden cozy couches behind mazes of bookshelves filled with thousands of amazing books. I thought I was in a dream. I started flipping about what if I read all these books, what kind of person would I be. All these words, these letters...We stayed too long. I broke up with my bf last week-trying to stay sober-changing meds.

I started to shake. I felt like I was braking apart, into pieces. I couldn't hold myself together, overwhelmed, overstimulated, so many things going so fast in the world, I start to shake, I started to cry and my nice new friend who is also bipolar rubs my back and tells me it's ok. I tell him we have to leave. I'm losing it. We leave. I'm home now but the last time I got like this I was with my drama queen ex who flipped out which triggered me into a panic psychotic episode and off to ip. My new friend is understanding. Thank God. wtf is wrong with me. not stable