You sound very unstable. If I were feeling that way, I would admit myself to the hospital. I know not everyone would, but that's just my opinion. I hope you will at least see your therapist and pdoc ASAP (call them and make an urgent appointment). Best wishes and HUGS!
__________________
...Out of night and alarm
Out of terrible dreams
Reach me your hand!
This is the meaning that we suffered in sleep:
The white peace of the waking.
~Edna St. Vincent Millay, "Song of the Nations"~
Diagnoses: Bipolar 2, OCD, Chronic Worrywart 
Meds: Lithium (reducing), Trileptal, Latuda, Risperdal, Klonopin and Xanax PRN
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