Everything's difficult lately. I feel so empty all the time, physically and mentally. I don't know what makes me happy anymore. I gained some weight over Christmas which has been a really distressing experience for me and even though I know I'm still realistically at a low weight, I've never felt this huge.

The last month I've spent desperately trying to lose as much weight as possible which has started showing. But it just makes me sad that I'm so keen to undo every attempt my body is making to save me. I noticed I even gained back some muscle in places but in my head it's all just fat and it's stopping me from being at my thinnest, so I can't bear to have it on me.

It's just never enough. It's endless.