CONGRATS ON 2 WEEKS! WAY TO GO!!!


I tried a lot of things along the way before I finally managed to quit. I tried getting rid of my blades entirely, but that panicked me because having them "just in case" was sort of a safety net for me. I would immediately go out and buy more.

I tried cutting something else with the blade instead of me- I cut papers, pictures out of magazines, journal pages, etc. Or I also tried drawing arms with cuts all over them. That helped stop me from cutting long enough to ride out an urge, but it didn't help me quit long term and it didn't always work. Depended on the level of stress I was experiencing.

I don't know if you are in therapy or not, or if you have someone close to you who loves you and is worried about you cutting. My breakthrough came in therapy. My therapist was helping me get set up with voc rehab to pay for school and therapy, and the secretaries at voc rehab were really, really rude to me. It really upset me because it triggered this feeling that I don't deserve to have help. I cut myself pretty bad. I told T about it, and she asked me what triggered me. I told her about the secretaries. T chided me, asking me why I would hurt myself like that because someone else did. She said when someone else hurts you, you need to be gentle with yourself not hurt you more. Then, without telling me about it, she called voc rehab and talked to the secretaries' supervisor about how they treated me. I found out later because he told me about it. He said my T was "squarely behind me." When I mentioned it to T, she said that she "heard [herself] being quite the mother bear about [me]." All my life, I had never been protected. Whenever someone hurt me, my own mother minimized it. I was always allowed to be misused and abused and hurt. But when my T stood up for me, something clicked in me emotionally. Suddenly, I felt like if I was important enough for her to be a "mother bear" about me, then it would be a dishonor to her if I were to hurt myself. I started wearing a necklace with a bear charm, and every time I thought of cutting, I touched the bear charm and thought of her. I never cut again.

I still kept the blades, for that feeling of security, for a really long time. I think it's ok to keep them, but put them where they're hard to get to and keep aware of your commitment to resist. I suggest finding some symbol that's important to you, and can remind you not to cut.

The moral of that long story, I guess, is that you can try a lot of "methods"-- and that is a healthy and good thing to do. Any step you can take toward treating yourself with the safety and care that you deserve is GREAT! Ultimately, though, to change it permanently, I think you have to have that aha! moment, when you suddenly realize what was true all along... that you don't deserve to be hurt. You deserve protection and love from yourself.

You CAN do it, and you do deserve it....

Hope this helps?