When I first started trying to get help for my dissociative disorder, I did not have an overpowering fear of other people. That was in 1992.

Now I am totally paranoid. I have applied at five, or should I say I wrote, employment agencies in Athens and told them that I would do anything for minimum wage. I have two college degrees and am an honorably discharged Vet. No word from them. I am too paranoid to hound an agency for a job.

Since 1999 I have done over four years of incarceration. The last conviction was illegal but I still did over two years in Orange County Jail and the Department of Corrections in Florida on that conviction. Orlando police officers jumped on me in my apartment because my significant other was pissed at me and told them that I was psychotic and making threats. I got a battery on a law enforcement charge. I hit him but only after opening my door and having a stranger lunge at me at 2:00 in the morning. They had gotten Diane to knock on the door and call my name. Diane took all my savings while the State had me. She knew that I was in a mental breakdown and trying to get to a mental health professional who understood dissociation. This incident went on from 2004 to the fall of 2008. Once they violated me for stopping and buying chewing tobacco without permission. I did four months on that.

My significant others, especially my Mom, had overt contact with my alter personalities. My alters would tell them stuff or to do things that always had a harmful effect on my life. But I could scream at them that I had multiple personality disorder and they never listened. My alters are not sane. One just wants to prove he is psychic so he tells people things that will happen but he does it in such an obnoxious manner it pisses people off. Then he manipulates things to make his prediction come true. By things, I mean me.

I have been trying to get to a mental health professional who was qualified in dissociative disorders since 1992. I have read all the books on the mental illness and even put myself in the Charter Hospital in Plano, Texas just so I could talk to patients.

When I moved to Athens, Ga. hoping to get help, I told the mental health staff at this VA Clinic that I had a dissociative disorder and I wanted to be referred to a specialist. Nothing! I have gotten no help. This makes me extremely paranoid. Now I believe that I am a victim of the Blue Bird experiments and am being deliberately denied treatment. (I believe that my Mom told mental health professionals when I was a child that I was hypnotizable. I believe that they have screwed with me while I was sleeping since early childhood. I am positive that someone in Orlando knew how to trigger me into these other personalities and did it on a regular basis. I have some vague memories. I really do not know if they were experimenting on me with hypnosis or just triggering me into these other states.)

So now I just stay in my apartment and binge drink. I do not know what to do any more. I don't know how to get a job. I don't know how to talk with the employment agencies. Next October I can apply for early social security. I guess I am waiting for that.